Where No Man Has Gone Before
12:00 Noon. Fasting since last night. Swallowed two laxative tabs with eight ounces of water. People always mean well. They wag their fingers and shake their heads, “Don't go skating." Toss my skates into the trunk. Strange gurgling from my abdominal region. 4:34 PM. The fast-lax was negatory. Toss back two more. Pick up the phone and call Richard. “What’s the big deal?” Richard laughs, "Just you wait!" Doc Klucka has to catch a mid-morning flight. I’ll have to report to hospital at 5:30 AM. I get to eat three hours sooner! Ten ounces ice cold Gatorade & forty grams of powdered antifreeze down the hatch. Ten more ounces. Forty more grams. 6:55 PM. And another one gone and another one gone and another one down the hatch. A call to the expert. Richard laughs manically, "No one escapes! Resistance is futile!" More bubbling. Pressure at both ends. Burps and hiccups. Running behind. No number two yet. Time to chug-a-lug number four, the yucky-tasty one. The