Where No Man Has Gone Before
12:00 Noon. Fasting since last night. Swallowed two laxative tabs with eight ounces of water. Doc Klucka knows the best way to clear out poop. People always mean well. They wag their fingers and shake their heads, “Don't go skating." Toss my skates into the trunk. Strange gurgling from my abdominal region. 4:34 PM. The fast-lax was negatory. Toss back two more. Pick up the phone and call Richard. “What’s the big deal?” Richard laughs, "Just you wait!" Doc has a family emergency and needs to catch a mid-morning flight. Right. I’ll have to report to hospital at 5:30 AM. Yah, I get to eat three hours sooner! Ten ounces ice cold Gatorade & forty grams of powdered antifreeze down the hatch. Ten more ounces. Forty more grams. 6:55 PM. And another one gone and another one gone and another one down the hatch. Another call to the expert. Richard laughs manically, "No one escapes! Resistance is futile!" More bubbling. Pressure at both ends. Burps and hiccups. Ru